We all have them in our lives, people who complain constantly, who are hyper-focused on everything wrong or about to go wrong, and life plays out on a backdrop of doom and gloom. It’s really hard to be around such people because their negativity begins to color our world as well. Emotions are contagious, after all, and even if they don’t express their misery in words, we can feel the heavy weight of their emotions on us. When this happens, we need to find compassion for ourselves.

Life challenges us to grow in areas where we have the greatest room for growth. This was certainly one for me. I’d learned over time to manage my inner critic and replace it with the voice of compassion and nonjudgmental toward myself. I’ve learned that when someone else’s actions rattled me, I didn’t even think of turning inward. It never dawned on me that I was suffering, and, again, I needed that same inner presence of compassion to hold me in her embrace and let me know she could feel my pain.

The more I learned to extend grace and compassion to myself for what I was going through, the more I was able to open my heart to my kids. Instead of trying to force perspective down their throats, I could remind myself that suffering doesn’t become easier when we compare our struggles with those of others. It simply adds a layer of guilt to it.

Either way, you’re nurturing the safe space that is home to empathy, wisdom, courage, and every human virtue we desire. Because, yes, sometimes you do need to turn toward others when they’re feeling negative and to feel their emotions with them. Self-compassion will give you the strength to do so. And sometimes you need to accept the limits of your control and let their negativity wash off of you like raindrops on a rain jacket.

Self-compassion will give you the wisdom to move forward, and there are ways to keep out the negativity of other people.

We may all encounter negative people from time to time. In some situations, reaching out to see if there are certain circumstances causing the negativity can be helpful. Sometimes, though, it can be better to create some space or simply walk away from the relationship for the time being. If that’s not possible, you might set healthy boundaries and model positive behavior. It can also be wise to take some time for introspection and to try not to take others’ negativity personally. A licensed therapist may be able to help you gain insight into the situation and cope with any challenging feelings you may be experiencing due to negativity. You can embrace positivity despite any negativity. There are a few ways to do this:

1.      Reach out

The first, and perhaps most important, thing to do if you find that a friend has been overly negative lately may be to ask your friend what’s going on. If this isn’t typical behavior for them, or you’ve noticed this change over time, there is likely something behind the negativity. You may want to rule out any challenges that may be causing this individual to act out. This could include any mental health concerns, like depression, or other circumstantial elements contributing to persistent pessimism. Reaching out to your friend may help them feel comfortable opening up and could be the first step toward healing.

2.      Be honest

If you plan to reach out, try to be gentle but honest about how this person’s actions are affecting you and others. While it can be hard to be so vulnerable with someone who is causing you pain, especially if you think they may react poorly, this type of honesty is often the best policy. To make the conversation less painful, try to use “I-statements” when talking to them. 

3.      Walk away

If the above tactics aren’t getting you anywhere, and you feel as though the friendship is bringing too much negativity to your life, it might be time to let it go. The easiest way to remove a negative person may be to simply walk away. By walking away, you may take away this person’s audience and remove yourself from their influence. This doesn’t necessarily have to be a permanent measure, either. However, if the negative person in your life is a parent, sibling, colleague, or someone else you simply cannot avoid, this tactic may not be an option.

4.      Create space

Slowly distancing yourself from the negative person is often the least painful choice. Just walking away may create a rift and potentially lead to confrontation. By creating space between the two of you, you may no longer be affected by their negative energy or constant complaints. If you still feel the need to see them from time to time, you could try limiting your interactions.

5.      Set boundaries

We usually teach people how to treat us. By accepting certain behaviors, you may be telling someone that you are okay with how they are acting toward you. Boundaries can be set in many ways. You can be honest and tell them that you are not willing to hear such negativity all the time, so in the future, you will simply walk away when they’re being negative. 

6.      Model the desired behavior

Much like we can teach people how to treat us. By accepting certain behaviors, you may be telling someone that you are okay with how they are acting toward you. Boundaries can be set in many ways. You can be honest and tell them that you are not willing to hear such negativity all the time, so in the future, you will simply walk away when they’re being negative. 

7.      Model the desired behavior

Much like we can teach people how to treat us, we may also teach people how to behave through our own behavior. If you speak positively, refuse to gossip, and generally act upbeat and happy around your negative friend, you may find that they fall into step with your actions. Alternatively, they may become more aware of how negatively they are behaving by comparison and choose to actively adjust their behavior.

8.      Take a look at yourself

If you have a friend who drags down every interaction you have, it might be worthwhile to take a look at yourself. We may all encounter negative people from time to time. In some situations, reaching out to see if there are certain circumstances causing the negativity can be helpful. Sometimes, though, it can be better to create some space or simply walk away from the relationship for the time being. If that’s not possible, you might set healthy boundaries and model positive behavior. It can also be wise to take some time for introspection and to try not to take others’ negativity personally. A licensed therapist may be able to help you gain insight into the situation and cope with any negativity that is bringing you down.

The first, and perhaps most important, thing to do if you find that a friend has been overly negative lately may be to ask your friend what’s going on. If this isn’t typical behavior for them, or you’ve noticed this change over time, there is likely something behind the negativity. You may want to rule out any challenges that may be causing this individual to act out. This could include any mental health concerns, like depression, or other circumstantial elements contributing to persistent pessimism. Reaching out to your friend may help them feel comfortable opening up and could be the first step toward healing.

9.      Try not to take things personally.

It can be easy to take negativity personally, but in all likelihood, it isn’t about you. Negative people can have many reasons for their negativity. Still, if they are always acting out in this manner when they’re around you, it can be important to remind yourself that it isn’t your fault. Not being able to fix another person’s negativity usually isn’t your fault, either. If you’ve tried to reach out before and they haven’t accepted your help, you may need to accept that there is nothing more that can be done unless they want to work on it themselves.

Having someone negative in your life can be emotionally draining. Whether or not you decide to distance yourself from this person, you may still need support to navigate the aftermath of the situation. You may still have to interact with the individual in some capacity, for instance, or you may have feelings of guilt or sadness related to their absence in your life. These can all be normal and valid experiences, and a licensed therapist can help you make sense of them and cope healthily. 

People who are surrounded by negativity may also experience symptoms of depression. This can make it difficult to reach out for professional help, especially in person. You could be feeling extremely fatigued, for example, or maybe you just don’t feel like being around people. In these circumstances, online therapy may be the solution you’re looking for. It may be impossible to completely avoid negative people in life, so it can be helpful to know potential strategies to manage negativity and what is meant to be. If you don’t necessarily have to be around a negative person, walking away can be a simple solution. However, if the negative person in your life is a friend or family member, you may wish to ask them if anything is bothering them. You could also model positive behavior, set healthy boundaries, or create a bit of space in the relationship.

Getting past negative people is difficult, but no matter what, remember that by staying true to yourself and finding happiness. More importantly, be kind to yourself.