Have you ever met someone that instantly you clicked with them, but over time that relationship just seemed to disappoint you? It could be anyone, a family member, a relationship, a friendship; no matter the type of relationship it is, there was still something about it that just doesn’t seem to work out. Maybe they make promises and don’t keep them. Or maybe they play games with your feelings. Either way, there is no easy cure for hurt and disappointment.
Hurt and disappointment lead to expectations. Expectations aren’t bad to have, but accepting both good and bad outcomes and be okay with either is often easier said and done. Many years ago, I had a friend say to me about relationships expect the worst and hope for the best. I didn’t quite understand how could you enter a relationship expecting the worst outcome to happen, but after enough time had gone by I began to expect that out of people. I thought this way because I began to question people’s behavior, especially why they didn’t care. I also began to think about how I could change the situation from affecting me.
Often times, I learned that people can certain traits that brought them to being hurtful and disappointing. Some were self-centered and others were childish and lazy. We know that the other person can change because we think that they will; that this time it will be different because we helped them or made them promise to change ten times harder than the last time. The hardest part is that the process doesn’t come from the other person, but it comes out of your own mind. The truth is about having to accept that the other person is stuck in their habits. It’s not about you. They are stuck inside a room that you can’t enter and you will never be seen from inside of it. Either the other person leaves that room or opens a window in order to be able to give you what you need. You can’t force them to leave that room, but you can be honest with them about what behavior you can’t tolerate. They must be the ones to decide to the work themselves.
Changing behavior isn’t an easy process. These are behaviors that have been ingrained in them for years and years. This is where peaceful acceptance takes place. This is where you learn to accept the person for who they are and it’s not about forcing yourself to find acceptance, but rather it’s about being okay with letting go of the pain. It’s about respecting the idea of healing yourself and then deciding where you want for the future if you want this person at all in your future.
Write the pros and cons about the other person are to start by making decisions about where they belong in your life. Highlight the ones that are most important to you from sides, the pro side and the con side. Next, calculate the sum and weigh those feelings. Take the time to think about how you feel about the other person in a conscious statement to figure out if this relationship is worth the energy and time to keep.
It’s like my friend would tell me, expect the worst and hope for the best. It’s all that is meant to be. It’s either a part of your life plan. Don’t be afraid to let go if a relationship, friend, family, or otherwise isn’t working as you had hoped. In the end, it’s about understanding the plan that is meant for your life and what will be best for you.