Sometimes realizing who you’re true friends are is the hardest and most unpleasant experiences. It’s a hurtful experience to have to go through, but in the long run, it’s good to know who you can and can’t depend on in life. For almost two decades, I thought the ones who were closest to me were my true friends, but I learned while going through a stressful couple of years, that they were anything but true friends. At first it saddens you to find out that someone you trusted didn’t deserve your trust at all, and as time heals all wounds. It’s better to know who your true friends are. Let’s face it, these are the people who are the essential ingredient to your happiness both now and in the future, but how can you tell who are your false friends? If you’re asking yourself this question, there are three questions to ask yourself.

The first question to ask yourself is what is the basis of your relationship with them? Take a step back and become your own observer. Do you find that the relationship is based on something that is shallow, such as doing favors, money, or making connections? Does it have a purpose in your life for internal or emotional fulfillment such as the material world or the spiritual world? It’s great to be able to offer others opportunities to help them to get ahead, but the question is can your friendship survive after the perks go away? The truth is the answer may be no. If your friendship is heartfelt, a meaningful one, then the superficial things really don’t matter. A true friendship is based on respect and appreciation for one another, which can’t ever be bought or negotiated.

The second question to ask yourself is there an even exchange of energy that exists? Friendships should be an equal give and take. If you feel like you are giving much more than the other person, then the friendship won’t last long. It’s very possible that the person you have befriended is more self-centered and overly involved in themselves and their own importance. The minute that you stop trying to satisfy them, they cut ties with you, which actually is the greatest give that they can give you. This is mostly because they believe that they are right and everyone else is wrong, because they aren’t able to see themselves as the reason for what isn’t going right in the friendship. This is the kind of person who puts the blame on other people and their circumstances for their lot in life. They believe that the world is happening to them.

Being friends with someone with the intention of giving to them without receiving, or receiving from them without giving, creates an uneven dynamic from the very beginning. It’s a one-sided friendship that becomes an energy drainer. True friends are equals and one doesn’t drain the other one for their worth. The Universe doesn’t support this kind of relationship. The reality is that you’re not responsible for carrying their load, especially when you have enough to take care of with your own needs. Balance has to happen between two people or the relationship will fall apart.

The third question is if the friendship feels dishonest, does your intuition tell you that this person isn’t a true friends?  Asking yourself this question means that you have to look at how nice is this person to you. Appearances can be deceiving. I’ve learned the most charming people tend to be the most insincere people. Even if you have experienced a friend who isn’t true, maybe you’re even still experiencing it, you’re not alone. Acquaintances come and go, but true friends are in it for life. You can always start over and move on, lesson learned, that is what’s meant to be. And when it’s all said and done, the best friend that you’ll ever have is in yourself. When we do this, we start to attract good people into your life.