One of the hardest things that I found is not being able to have control over everything in life. It’s not the circumstances that get to me, but people and their actions that tends to be the hardest. There is that fear that by losing control, than something bad could happen. A bad review, an argument, or not getting the relationships that you want in life. No matter what it is, it’s never easy to get past a loss of control. I believe in having faith, and for me this is what has helped to get through those moments. However, there was a time when anxiety was too great. There was a constant heightened state of fear that seemed to overcome every emotion. Perhaps it was because I had a need to have certainty in an unpredictable world. Or better yet, it was an unrealistic demand that was created because of anxiety.
If you were like me, than you thought that you had to accurately predict and manage the future, not just have some probabilistic and uncertain handle on it. The hope that every, or at least most circumstances and relationships, would be close to perfection. This is how the roller coaster ride of not having control begins and it doesn’t stop until you have certainty. It took years to figure out that we all have the power, the power to let go of the fear of uncertainty through our attitude. We can control how we react to circumstances. We can have hopes, wishes, and preferences that are able to be controlled. You can indeed try to get the approval of others, or to change the course of the future in this or that way. You can also prefer that you succeed. And you can make reasonable judgments about the future.
If you are someone who has to have certainty, it’s difficulty to get past the fear. Tranquility is not an option unless you let it be. Changes in life bring uncertainty, but we can live with uncertainty and loss of control by gaining courage. It means accepting ourselves as being imperfect and to allow ourselves to make mistakes, even in our relationships. It means having serenity if we face the uncertainty of the future with courage. This means refusing to cave to the fear of uncertainty. This means forcing yourself to walk away from your rumination and worry and to do something constructive with your life. It means having the courage to accept yourself as inherently flawed; as part of a universe that offers no guarantees, and as a being that lives imperfectly in this imperfect universe.
A friend of mine once said to me, expect the worst and hope for the best. She was right in that thinking. You can never be disappointed when using this thinking. It allows us to live according to what is meant to be, will be. It’s living by possibilities instead of by guarantees.