When we choose our relationships, I have to ask myself what it is that I’m exactly looking for in a person. There are many sayings to relationships, ‘opposites attract’ or ‘birds of a feather flock together.’ We could spend countless hours thinking up the perfect saying, but what about thinking up who is right for us. When looking at the sayings there are some truths to the thinking. Opposites do attract, for many men and women, we look to find the strengths in others that we are missing in ourselves. Also, extraverts and introverts are often times drawn to one another. With ‘birds of a feather flow together’ in reality, even though we are drawn to our opposite, we are also drawn to people who have similar goals and focus in their lives. These are people who have the same dominant function in their lives. What are meant by that are their personalities. For example, an extroverted sensor would be attracted to an introverted sensor. Sensors tend to be best at communicating. When two people can communicate well, this causes for a happy and long-lasting relationship. However, when many don’t realize is that there are different types of relationships.
What we may look for in a friend may not be what we are looking for in other relationships. Keeping that in mind, for better or for worse, it may just come down to personality.
Personality and relationships go hand in hand. With there being sixteen different types of personality in relationships. Find out which personality is you and what type of personality do you look. So many of us are looking for a lifetime of laughter with that one particular person.
ISTJ-The Duty Fulfillers: Is as good as gold and tries to honor their commitments faithfully. They believe that to do otherwise would be nothing less than a breach of honor and trustworthiness. Consequently, they take their vows very seriously, and once they have said “I do,” that means they are bound to the relationship until “death do us apart” or otherwise. They are driven to fulfill their responsibilities and duties, and will do so with tireless effort. They will do their best to meet the obligations presented by the different relationship roles which they play during their lives, i.e. spouse, parent, offspring, etc. They may have difficulty showing warmth, but they frequently feel it in abundance, and most develop the ability to show it through sheer effort.
ESTJ-The Guardians: Very enthusiastic people who are driven to fulfill their obligations and duties, especially those towards their families. Their priorities generally put God first, family second, and friends third. They put forth a tremendous amount of effort to meet their obligations and duties, according to their priorities. They are dedicated and committed to their relationships, which they consider to be lifelong and unalterable. They like to be in charge, and may be very controlling of their mates and children.
ISFJ-The Nurturers: Places a great deal of importance on their personal relationships. They’re generally very giving and loving people, who place the needs of others above their own. They sometimes have a problem with becoming overly emotionally needy, and with keeping their true feelings hidden from others. They take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships and are extremely dependable
ESFJ-The Caregivers: Warm-hearted individuals who highly value their close personal relationships. They are very service-oriented, and their own happiness is closely tied into the happiness and comfort of those around them. They are valued for their genuine warm and caring natures, and their special ability to bring out the best in others. They usually do not handle conflict well, and may tend to be very controlling or manipulative. Relationships are central to their lives, and they put forth a great amount of energy into developing and maintaining their close interpersonal relationships. They expect the same from others.
ISTP-The Mechanics: Generally extremely capable individuals who are good at most things which interest them. They are usually bright, interesting, and exciting individuals with a lot to offer. They live almost entirely in the present moment, and usually do not make commitments beyond the immediate foreseeable future. An ISTP probably coined the phrase “nothing is unconditional.” They strongly prefer to take things one day at a time, rather than make long-term commitments.
ESTP-The Doers: Fun-loving individuals who want to make the most of every moment. They love action, and always seem to be doing something. This enthusiasm is carried over to their personal relationships, which they approach with the desire to make the most of their relationships on a daily basis. They tend to get bored easily, and may be prone to switching relationships frequently unless they find an outlet for their boredom elsewhere. They approach life on a day-by-day basis and may feel tremendously committed, but they want to take their commitments day by day.
ESFP-The Performers: They are fun and delightful to be with. They live for the moment, and know how to make the most of each moment. They are genuinely, warmly interested in people, and love to make others happy. They’re usually very kind-hearted and generous, and are always going out of their way to do something nice for someone. Their affection is simple, straight-forward and honest. They dislike theory and complexities. They often resist forming relationships which require them to function on a high Intuitive or Thinking level. They prefer for things to be light and happy, although their warmth and affection runs deep. Their potential downfall is the tendency to live entirely for the present moment, and therefore to sometimes be unaware of the direction that their relationship is heading, or to be easily distracted from long-term commitments.
ISFP-The Artists: Warmhearted, gentle people who take their commitments seriously, and seek lifelong relationships. They are very private people, who keep their true feelings and opinions reserved or hidden from others. This may cause them to constantly defer to their mates in their intimate relationships, which may cause problems if their mates are not extremely aware of the ISFP’s feelings. Some ISFPs who are in the habit of not expressing their needs and feelings find themselves in situations throughout their life where they feel overshadowed, overlooked, or even “tread upon” by others. They detest conflict and discord, and highly value being seen and understood for who they are. They need space to live their lives in their own unique way, and will respect other’s need for space.
ENTJ-The Executives: Puts a lot of effort and enthusiasm into their relationships. Since their major quest in life is to constantly take in knowledge and turn that into something useful, the ENTJ will try to turn everything into a learning experience. Within the context of relationships, that means they will constantly seek knowledge and revise the rules and definitions of their relationships. They value their relationships highly, especially those relationships which present them with new challenges and stimulate their learning.
INTJ-The Scientists: Believes in constant growth in relationships, and strive for independence for themselves and their mates. They are constantly embarking on “fix-up” projects to improve the overall quality of their lives and relationships. They take their commitments seriously, but are open to redefining their vows, if they see something which may prove to be an improvement over the existing understanding.
INTP-The Thinkers: Lives in a rich world inside their minds, which are full of imagination and excitement. Consequently, they sometimes find the external world pales in comparison. This may result in a lack of motivation to form and maintain relationships. They are not likely to have a very large circle of significant relationships in their lives. They’re much more likely to have a few very close relationships, which they hold in great esteem and with great affection. Their primary focus and attention is turned inwards, aimed towards seeking clarity from abstract ideas, they are not naturally tuned into others’ emotional feelings and needs. They tend to be difficult to get to know well, and hold back parts of themselves until the other person has proven themselves “worthy” of hearing their thoughts.
ENTP-The Visionaries: Typically good-natured, upbeat and laid-back, they can be delightful people to be around. They get a lot of enjoyment and satisfaction from interacting with others, and especially enjoy discussing and debating theories and concepts which interest them. They may be prone to initiate arguments because they so enjoy the debate. They are generally fun-loving and gregarious, and can be quite charming. They have a problem with sometimes neglecting their close relationships when they become involved in the pursuit of a new idea or plan.
ENJF-The Givers: Puts a lot of effort and enthusiasm into their relationships. To some extent and defines themselves by the closeness and authenticity of their personal relationships, and are therefore highly invested in the business of relationships. They have very good people skills, and are affectionate and considerate. They are warmly affirming and nurturing. They excel at bringing out the best in others, and warmly supporting them. They want responding affirmation from their relationships, although they have a problem asking for it.
INFJ-The Protectors: Are warm and affirming people who are usually also deep and complex. They’re likely to seek out and promote relationships that are intense and meaningful. They tend to be perfectionists, and are always striving for the Ultimate Relationship. For the most part, this is a positive feature, but sometimes works against the INFJ if they fall into the habit of moving from relationship to relationship, always in search of a more perfect partner. In general, the INFJ is a deeply warm and caring person who is highly invested in the health of their close relationships, and puts forth a lot of effort to make them positive. They are valued by those close to them for these special qualities. They seek long-term, lifelong relationships, although they don’t always find them.
ENFP-The Inspirers: They take their relationships very seriously, but also approach them with a childlike enthusiasm and energy. They seek and demand authenticity and depth in their personal relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort into making things work out. They are warm, considerate, affirming, nurturing, and highly invested in the health of the relationship. They have excellent interpersonal skills, and are able to inspire and motivate others to be the best that they can be. Energetic and effervescent, they can sometimes smothering in their enthusiasm, but are generally highly valued for their genuine warmth and high ideals.
INFP-The Idealists: Presents a calm, pleasant face to the world. They appear to be tranquil and peaceful to others, with simple desires. In fact, they internally feel life intensely. In the relationship arena, this causes them to have a very deep capacity for love and caring which is not frequently found with such intensity in the other types. They do not share their intensity of feeling with anyone; they tend to be reserved about expressing their inner-most feelings, and reserve their deepest love and caring for a select few and are generally laid-back, supportive and nurturing in their close relationships.