Afraid of Being Alone

People spend their most of their lives looking for companionship. I often think about what was the ultimate decision that brings two people together. For some it’s the feeling of being in a relationship, a relationship that allows them to feel that they have accomplished meaning in this life. For others it’s the idea of never being alone.

About fifteen years ago, I had a friend who I’ll call Liz had been living with a guy for almost ten years in a house that her parents owned. I had met her while working for a social service agency. Liz and her boyfriend Dave had decided to get married. I was asked to be one of Liz’s bridesmaids. On the day of her wedding, I watched as she and Dave went through their first dance and their first kiss as husband and wife. I was relieved in some ways to watch Liz get married that day. The entire time that I had known her the only goal that she really had in life was to be married and have children. Being someone that is very career-oriented, I didn’t quite understand her thinking, but accepting her rational as being what she felt was best for her life.

Within the first month of Liz and Dave’s marriage, Dave told his wife that he was going away on business for a few days. Not thinking anything of it, she drove him to the airport on the day of his flight. Two days after having left he had never called her. Message after message, Liz panicked at the thought that something may have happened to him. Maybe an accident or perhaps his cell phone wasn’t working. Liz thought of every scenario that could keep her husband from calling her. On the third day Dave had finally called, panicked she asked what had happened to him. He told her everything was fine, but that he just got busy. The next day, Liz picked Dave up at the airport and by the time that they got back home he told her the real reason for not calling. He hadn’t actually went away on a business trip, but instead he went away to meet a women he had met working at his customer service job. Liz was floored by his news. After only a month of marriage he had cheated on her.

I remember how many people who told her to move on. What type of person within a months’ time would cheat on their wife? Liz disregarded everyone’s advice and took her own. She stayed in the marriage. I would like to believe that the reason for her staying with Dave was purely due to love, but the truth was she was afraid of being alone. It was the thought of being out there in the world and one her own that scared her the most. I don’t think that Liz is alone in this thinking. There are many people traveling this journey afraid of being alone. The truth is that without understanding as to the person that you are and feel comfortable with being your own best friend, the idea of being alone may be frightening. There are many single people out there who pack their days with errands, work commitments, and anything else that can fill the day; I wonder if this way of gliding through life is what’s meant to be for us. Or are we keeping ourselves busy so not to feel alone anymore. What I have learned is that there is no marriage safe enough. No relationship that will constantly fill the void in our lives. Finding self-worth and accomplishment has to come from within. We always have ourselves in this life, which makes it that we are never ever truly alone.

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