You Don’t Bring Me Flowers…Anymore

In many relationships there is a time when you have to say good-bye. Unless a couple plans on getting married, there comes a point where two people will go their separate ways. There is no such thing as a mutual break up, either one person becomes the heart breaker and the other spends days, maybe even months thinking over the break up. One of the issues many couples face is trying to keep the memories alive. Let’s face it. Each person had invested some part of themselves into the other person’s life. Putting those experiences in the past, often making a promise to stay friends becomes the alternative. The problem with that thinking is that being friends with an ex may lead to the fulfillment of broken promises.

Becoming friends with your ex allows for the one who is breaking to feel less like the bad guy/girl. It gives a sense of truce that whole “it’s not you, it’s me. Of course we can still be friends.” It’s a peace offering through friendship. Not only does allow the break up person feel better about themselves, but it also allows them to not feel like a monster. Now the break up person can still meet with their ex for coffee on a Sunday afternoon, while remaining in each other’s life all with the pleasure of being able to move on to other relationships. Let’s face it; becoming friends may seem like the easier solution to become friends. The fact is how can you sit over coffee with a smile on your face thinking about another man or woman that you’re dating? How can you explain that perfect date that you had with another person, another person that isn’t your ex? There are just some things that will be sensitive issues and unable to be discussed.

Keeping a relationship with an ex is just another way of holding on to that security blanket that you don’t want to let go. The security that no matter what, you can still call them, but the truth is, we never really know if that person will still be there. There is a bitter side to breaking up. Jealousy and the feeling that you don’t want them with someone else do filter in. Expecting flowers from an ex is often the same as expecting flowers when the couple was still dating. But the reality is leaving the past behind is hard enough and you don’t want your past still programmed into your cell phone. Having that person linger in your life is a constant reminder and it makes it harder to move on. It’s okay that they don’t bring you flowers anymore. Unless you were the best of friends before being in a relationship, you’re better off to leave the friendship behind, along with the memories.

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